Alice and I have been together just over 5 short years ago, how time flies when you are having fun. I met Alice by way of an on line dating service, her profile included two body piercings (pierced ears) and bowling, but I took a chance anyway. We emailed each other a few times, including a very long winded one she wrote me one night, then met in person at TGI Fridays near the Mall of America on a rainy Saturday night in May. I always said we met in a bar and she would correct me saying restaurant. This was the start of something wonderful, only I did not know how wonderful it would be.
Alice is a lover of sports especially hockey. She followed hockey on TV, often switching between channels between HGTV to catch the score and then in the morning Sports section of the paper. We traveled many times to watch her son Bryan play hockey while in college and then just this year for the Manchester Monarchs. We watched her daughter Jenny coach both soccer and hockey games. Alice enjoyed other sports, especially Viking football; we never missed a game on Sunday TV on the big screen in the ”lower level”, attend a couple of games and last year went to training camp where we got our picture in the paper as fans in the stands.
Alice loved her children and did so much for them, giving them most anything they wanted. Her eyes would light up and she would smile every Sunday night that she got that call from Bryan. If we were talking on the phone and that call came in we would hang up so she could take that call. She drove up to Grand Forks for Jenny’s graduation, she was so proud that Jenny graduated. Only illness prevented her from attending Bryan’s graduation in North Andover Mass.
Most of all she was my buddy, best friend, confidant and traveling companion. When her Ford Explorer’s transmission gave out we went out to find her a new car; she wanted a red one with tan leather seats, running boards and a moon roof. After spending two days running around the area, we found a 2004 Mountaineer; it was exactly what she wanted but cost a $1000 more than she wanted to spend. I had to tell her to “buy the damn car” because it was what she wanted. There were those Friday morning breakfasts at Jensen’s as we went over the days “to-do-list’ while she drank her orange juice and had French toast. We enjoyed Summer Saturday morning breakfasts, and then off to the Farmer’s market where she became the pack mule carrying the fresh veggies; breakfast was her bribe to get going on Saturday morning. There were trips out East to watch Bryan play hockey and getting caught in the Snowstorm. Let’s not forget the fireworks, she really enjoyed Fireworks; we made everyone we could, most recently it was in a wheelchair watching Savage’s Dan Patch Days from my front yard.
Early in our relationship we each listed the top 10 places we wanted to go and visit, then started going down the list. We enjoyed two trips to San Diego, in both our lists, first to Old Town, visiting the zoo and harbor; and the second for the Commissioning of the USS Halsey (DDG97), which impressed her immensely and she thoroughly enjoyed. Each winter we would go downtown to watch the Holidazzle parade. We even made it to the Food and Wine tasting; she didn’t drink but thought the food, grazing as she called it, and atmosphere was worth every penny.
Our first real vacation together was Disney World; yes it was in both of our top 5. We were just two fifty+ year old kids taking in everything Disney had to offer. We even went to the Blizzard Beach water park where we did a flip out of one of the water chutes with me landing on top of her and Alice accusing me of trying to drown her. We enjoyed two wonder meals, the kitchen table at Wolfgang Puck’s for pizza and the kitchen table at Emeril’s in for her birthday dinner.
May of 2005 was the cruise to Alaska, which was my #1 choice and one of her top 5; it was a spur of the moment vacation. We used miles for the airfare, points for the hotels and cash for the cruise. We left early touring Vancouver and spent an extra day touring Anchorage. I left that cruise relaxed and refreshed, she left that cruise a changed woman, a change so much for the better.
Many times since that cruise we spent just talking and talking, she really opened up to me. The subjects varied from solving world hunger to our kids, we never always agreed but we could compromise or agree-to-disagree, I was always wrong. Alice and I would discuss our hopes, fears, dreams and plans for the future, traveling in the Motor home. We talked through many things and many problems openly and honestly, knowing both of us wanted to hear what was on the other person’s mind. It was this ability to share and talk that got us through this.
This Alice is not the same lady I met 5 years ago. Five years ago she would not express her opinions, was always concerned more what I wanted and I had to pry things out of to get her to tell me what she was thinking. It was as if she were afraid to express an opinion and tell me what was on her mind. This was not the same after the Alaskan cruise, she realized her opinions mattered, she could speak up and say what was on her mind and people wanted to and would listen to her. This was a changed woman; it is this change that helped her these past 20 months.
In October 2005 she came to my house and told me she had cancer, which required surgery, only to find out she had Stage IVB Endometrial Cancer, this did not stop her optimism, determinism and the battle. Later she told me she was afraid that once she told me that she had cancer I would turn and run, we were not even engaged at that time. After the first Chemo treatment in December 2005 she became gravely ill, was rushed to Abbott hospital, almost died, was given a colonoscopy and spent 6 weeks including Sister Kinney Rehab before she came home in the middle of January 2006 to continue recovery. In February 2006 she was hospitalized with acute renal failure which eventually resulted in her right kidney being removed and a stent in her left urethra which was on a 90 replacement cycle. Finally in April she started back onto chemo finishing in June 2006, following chemo she had a CAT scan and was declared cancer free. They continued to monitor her with monthly blood work-ups, periodic CAT scans and follow-up exams; her January 2007 CAT scan and workups still showed her cancer free and progressing well. An outcome of the February renal failure was removal of her right kidney in September 2006. At this point I need to point out that Alice had the most fantastic team of Doctors any person could ask for, three in particular are Dr. Cheryl Bailey, Dr. John Hulbert and Dr. Bill Dickey; they have been through thick and thin with us.
Four weeks after her kidney removal we started our travels and never looked back. Hawaii was far and away her top choice, it didn’t make my top 10, she did not start packing for that trip until the last day because she was scared the doctor would not let her go since only four weeks had past since the surgery. Dr. Hulbert said go and have a wonderful time and we did. We spent two weeks in Hawaii, seeing three islands, enjoyed two awesome helicopter rides and “survived” the October 2006 Hawaii earthquakes. We were less than 1 mile from the epicenter of the quake. We hosted Christmas 2006 at her house for 25+ people, the smile on her face as she decorated the house and hosted the party was priceless, she was a Christmas junkie. We spent New Years Eve out East watching Bryan play hockey for the Manchester Monarchs he played in all three games that weekend. Then in February we took a cruise through the Panama Canal, the highlight which was seeing three Humpback Whales breech. April we had a quiet weekend at Breezy Point, just her and I, our last vacation together.
I want to share with you the changed woman I love so dearly. This woman has an opinion and displayed more courage than most any person in this room has yet to display, not once but twice. Dr. Bailey called her the miracle person because of how she had survived her December 2005 episode and her Hospice nurse called her the Hospice Poster child. When faced with the toughest decision a person needs to make in his or her life she did it without faltering, clearly expressing her wishes. If one stops and thinks about the reasons for her decision it is very evident it was the correct decision. When faced with a similar decision only 6 weeks later while in home Hospice care, she never wavered, made the same decision; telling me I was wrong I was being emotional and she was correct. As she said it is the right thing to do and after I put the emotions aside I realized just how correct and rational that decision she made was. It goes without saying she did the right thing, making her opinions known and making the tough decisions when they mattered.
Alice never complained, felt sorry for herself or asked why me; she continued to battle to the very end, saying thank you when little things were done for her. When things would get tough and tears came to my eyes she would look at me and say “suck it up big guy”. In life everyone one of us makes decisions, I hope when the time comes for you and I to make the really big decisions we have the strength and courage to do the right thing just as Alice did, then follow that decision up with the same courage and conviction Alice showed.
