Judy Christoff

Jim and Judy Christoff

Metropolis, Il. 62960

jicole@comcast.net

Judy Died Feb. 20, 2004 at 10:45 PM

I was the only one with her when she died.

GOD SENT ME AN ANGEL

By Jim Christoff

For his Angel, Judy

Who is now with the Lord

I’m writing down my thoughts as they come to me about a lady that changed my life forever. I’m heading down this road of adventure with excitement. I love to talk about my Angel! Of course, I’m talking about Judy, my wife of seventeen years. The lady that the day we met changed my life. For seventeen wonderful years God gave us to each other. She was only four feet and eleven inches tall. She would say she was “four eleven and headed for heaven”.

Then she would say, “I’m Jimmie’s Judy.” Oh, No, she wouldn’t call me Jim. She said that sounded too blunt. She said when she looked at me she saw a Jimmie, not a Jim. “Don’t gimmie Jim, gimmie Jimmie. From now on you will be Jimmie to me.”

When I met her I looked LOVE right square in the face. I never knew what measure of love could exist. She made me feel warm all over. She made me feel wanted, cared for, noticed, and loved. Judy did all that for me.

This is not a biography. You see, I wasn’t there at the beginning. If I had been my entire life would have been so different. Judy was born Judy Ann House on July 10, 1952. She actually was born right here in Metropolis, Illinois. She was known to most who knew her as Judy. To some in my family she was known as Judy Ann to differentiate her for my sister Judy Kay. She was known by her sister Barbara as “Sis.” An old gentleman from Brookport who use to mow our yard called her “Little Ms Judy.” Amy, a friend and co-worker, from Memphis called her “Judy Taloodie.” But to me when I looked at her I saw an angel. So one day I told her, “You may be Jimmie’s Judy but to me you are an angel. From now on, you will be Jimmie’s Angel.”

THE PEARLY GATE

Judy even made our garage door special. She just had that special touch that could take something plain and common and make it glow. You see, see called our garage door “The Pearly Gate.” Any time we would drive home and approach the driveway she would say, almost under her breath, “Oh, that pearly gate.” As long as we were home together it was our little bit of heaven. I would drive on into the garage and she would push the remote to close the big door while we still sit there in the car. As soon as the door closed she would reach over, give me a big hug, kiss me on the check, and say, “Isn’t this just the greatest. This is Heaven to me. This is OUR HEAVEN!” The only reason I could find that it wasn’t really heaven is that in heaven there is no death. My angel would soon die right here in our dining room.

THE POEM

I wrote a poem for Judy just before we were married. I gave it to her in a really nice frame that I especially picked out from among all those that I saw. I put it all together and on one special day it was time to give it to her. The day was special because we were home together. Any day that I was with Judy was a special day. She was in our small dining room dusting the dining room table. I walked up close to her and said, “I have something for you. Would you take a minute and read it?” She turned and wiped her brow and gave me that “I’m really busy right now” look.

She began to read it and I could see when it began to soak into her what she was reading. You see, every word in the poem came straight from the bottom of my heart. My heart was beating so hard and fast I could feel it in my chest. I watched her sweet eyes as she began to read. Tears ran freely down both sides of her face. Oh, how precious that little face was to me. We were standing facing each other. I wanted so much for her to know how much I loved her. As she read it I kept watching her precious face. I was excited because I really wanted her to see how my heart was feeling. She was the very reason for my joyful season.

JIMMIE’S ANGEL

God sent me an “Angel”

Straight from His throne,

He said, “Jim, she’s yours,

Yours alone.”

He opened the gate

Heavens Pearly Door

And down from heaven

My Angel soared.

With delicate hands

He lowered her down,

Til’ her angelic feet

Quietly touched the ground.

Before her I stood

Simply struck in awe.

I couldn’t believe

The loveliness I saw.

Brilliantly she glowed

In beautiful array.

She gently said,

“I’m yours to stay”

I stood there stunned

With joy galore,

That we’d be together

Forever more!

And there she stood

In all of her beauty,

I asked her name

And she said “JUDY”

She finished reading and looked up. Her face was blushed and her eyes became moist. Again she looked at the poem and drew it to her chest and held onto it tightly. She held it like it was a baby in her arms cuddled against her. “Jimmie, nobody has ever done anything like this for me before. NOBODY! You are so sweet! I have never, NEVER EVER, been so happy! Jimmie, you make me happy.”

I reached out and pulled her close to me, put my arms around her and stood there swaying gently in the privacy of our small, modest home with the poem pressed between the both of us. Her head was lying on my shoulder with her forehead tucked under my chin. I held her head with my left hand and rubbed her back lovingly with my right hand. We stood there in that embrace for some time almost as if we could stay that way forever. “Dear God, could it be possible. Oh, God, please!” I kept rubbing my hand all across her precious back between her shoulders.

ANGEL’S WINGS

“What are you doing? Why are you rubbing my back so much?” I said, “I’m looking for “angel wings.” They’re here somewhere, I just know they are.” That did it. The Hoover Dam broke and Niagara Falls happened right there on my shoulder. My shirt was wet with her tears. And, I was happy, so very happy. We were both happy. I would soon learn this would be the story of our lives together. We were born to be together and to be happy together. I have always been glad that I was the one chosen to share that moment with her. It was as if the Mormon Tabernacle Choir was singing “Handel’s Messiah” and the “Halleluiah Chorus” had suddenly flooded the little dining room with music for our soul. Just for us, Jimmie and his “Angel Judy.”

“A TIME TO BE BORN, AND A TIME TO DIE”

I wish everything could have gone on like this forever. But, you see, everything is different now. Everything changed one night on Feb. 20, 2004 at 10:45 PM. I stood there beside her bed where I had stood so many times in the past few months. There was no longer a table in the dining room. There was a bed. Hospice had put it there. Judy was dying from cancer which was in several areas of her body. It had been discovered eighteen months ago. We both knew this was serious and the outcome was not going to be what we wanted it to be. We both had been told that it would probably be no more than sixty days. It was uncanny, but they were right. Today was the sixtieth day.

It was on February 20, 2004 at 10:45 PM, a Friday and several people, friends and church family, had been by that day to visit because everyone knew it was not going to be long. Now it was late and everyone had left. It was just Judy and me. Oh, yes, some had asked if I wanted them to stay with us through the night but I wanted to be alone with her. I remember turning around after closing the front door when the last person left for the evening. Turning to face that same dining room where seventeen years before I had given her the poem. Now it was adorned with drapes between the living room and the dining room, so beautiful. They had been tied back on each side. They were put there by caring hands so that she could have privacy when she was being cared for. It created such a beautiful picture. But what I saw was not beautiful. It was sad. As I walked back into the dining room and as I passed through the drapes I felt like I was entering the Holy of Holies and I had just walked through the Veil. I was now standing on Holy Ground. I reached for her hand and held it gently. It had become so frail and thin. I moved closer so that my face was right up close to hers. Her sweet eyes were only half open. I knelt down beside her bed, still holding her hand. And I prayed “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. Thank you, Lord for giving me Judy. I know in my head it is time for you to take her away. But, dear God, my heart says, No! I just don’t want her to go. I’m going to be sad either way, Lord. I don’t want to see her continue to suffer another moment. That makes me sad. But when she goes to be with you, I will be sad too. But more than anything I want your Will to be done. In Jesus Name.”

I was still holding her hand right up next to her face. I leaned over the bed and kissed my Angel on her sweet lips. I said, “Honey, I wish it was up to me but it is now up to you. If you need to go and you want to end all this suffering I want you to go. I want you to know that I will be here with you all the way. I love you, Angel, I will ALWAYS LOVE YOU!” The Hospice workers had earlier told me that telling her it was OK to go was an important part of the process. Without that so many patients keep holding on just to suffer so much more.

TEARS-GOD’S SPECIAL LANGUAGE

Bro. Gary, our pastor, had pointed out to me earlier in the day that when I talked to her, even though she could not respond, a tear would come in her left eye. You see, her head was turned to the right, so any tear in her right eye could not be seen. The tears in her left eye would gather and you could see them easily.

A tear gathered in her left eye and I was sure she could hear me. The only way she could respond was with a tear. And, it was there. When I saw it I really felt like she could still hear me. So many had already told me the hearing was the last to go.

I had my hand close to her face so I could feel her breath with her little frail hand in mine. I leaned over and lay my head on the pillow just next to her face, face to face. Soon, very soon, just a minute or two and there came one special push of air against my hand. And then there was no more! That horrible thought raced through my mind “Judy is dead!” My little Angel who I had held so many times here in this dining room, is dead! And I hated it. I had cared for her for so long. I was terribly weak and worn myself. I was tired and angry and mad. I wanted to scream at God so badly and ask “WHY, GOD, WHY COULDN’T IT HAVE BEEN ME?!?!”

“MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT”

In the hush of the moment, I could not help but notice that there was a calm that had settled over the little dining room. She had always carefully adorned the room, now she was the one that was adorning it herself. Her beautiful hair was so thin from all the radiation. There was even no hair at all on the front half of her head. But she was beautiful. She was the most beautiful little lady I had ever seen. She could have been bald and I wouldn’t have cared. We were deeply in love and when you’re in love all those things don’t matter. I didn’t care.

While I lay there with my Angel, I was unaware of all the activity in that little room. You see, there was a door to heaven that had opened and a gathering of angels had come. There was a soul that was going to be transported to heaven and the angelic escort had arrived. I was there beside the bed when the hand of Jesus reached down and took the soul of my little lady, my friend, and my Angel. And I knew, I just somehow knew, I was now alone. You could see that life had gone out of those eyes. Breathe had left her little body. But I kept holding on to the hand that I had held so many times over the past 17 years and I DID NOT WANT TO LET GO! “Dear God, I don’t want to let go!” I reached over and kissed her on her cheek and told her, I will always love you, Angel. I will ALWAYS love you. I know that you cannot come back to me. BUT I WILL COME TO YOU!

Oh, how I wish I could have been there at that special

moment when she finally reached up and

TOUCHED THE FACE OF GOD

I Miss You, Judy.

I Will Always Love You.

“Jimmie”